


purple.

by Irrwisch



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Brotherhood, Childhood, Drama, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Snow, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 02:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1452733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrwisch/pseuds/Irrwisch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a cold winter's night, Inuyasha is thinking back to a snowstorm of his past. Sesshoumaru being stuck in the same snowstorm, is bound to meet up with his little brother. And afterwards, things seemed to be different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	purple.

**Author's Note:**

> Very welcome! I present to you the very first work I upload here! And hopefully you'll like it, it would make me happy! 
> 
> First and last: if you like listening to music while you read, I'd recommend "Requiem for a Dream" for this. I listened to it while writing and it gave me good inspiration.
> 
> And now, have fun!

"Cold..."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

„C-cold…“  
He silently muttered that word into the blazing cold. His nose was running, and his hands and feet were freezing cold. Even breathing on his hands didn’t really help anymore… he didn’t know if this was normal or not. He just knew he shouldn’t be out here freezing his butt of. But… this was no decision to be made, actually. 

The little boy sighed and looked up in the white sky. Everything was white, for a month now – just as long as he wasn’t able to find any food. His stomach was grumbling, and he was really hungry. But it was always very hard finding food in the winter… at least this was his impression, and it seemed to be right. Maybe if he was better at hunting… but he still couldn’t make a fire. He failed every time he tried. And… on top of that, it wasn’t a good idea starting a fire in the first place. Predators would only be able to locate him even faster than they already did.

And predators were after him. After all, he was easy prey. Not strong enough to fight, and nobody would ever come for his rescue… or to revenge him. But still, he wasn’t able to understand why… had he done something wrong – something he couldn’t remember? Everyone just kept yelling “Half-breed” at him… and he didn’t understand. What was a half-breed? Why was it so bad? He never harmed anyone, and he always just took in every bullying… He never once fought back or tried to protest. 

But even his momma, who just died a few months before – this was in fact his first winter after her death – seemed to be ashamed because of him. But she never said a single word. This one time he asked her what a Half-breed was, she just cried… and he didn’t like seeing her crying, so he never asked again.

And now she was gone, and no one was left to explain this term to him. No one left to explain why everyone hated him… why everyone was shooing him away. He was a good boy! He always was. He never harmed a single living being. He saved everything that was in need, and never expected anything in return. And now, he was left behind alone. He didn’t want this! He wanted his mother back, her warm embrace, and her sad smile. He wanted to protect her longer, even if it was painful. 

Suddenly, he stumbled over a rock, hidden beneath the snow. He fell face-first into the cold snow and hurried up sitting up again. Now torn from his previous thoughts, the aching in his belly reminded him once again of his hunger. Damn it… where was he supposed to find food in this area? There was nothing. He couldn’t even dig out the roots and eating these. Maybe, if he kept on going, he would find a village before it got dark. In the night nobody was out anymore and he could somehow easily sneak away some of their food. It was never enough for them to notice, but enough to fill his aching stomach. His mouth watered only by the mere thought… damn it!

The boy shivered and got up again. He moved his frozen fingers just so he could feel them again. They were really hurting. He long gave up trying to feel his feet. He tried to warm them in the night; this was all he could do. If only he had a blanket or something… a roof would be awesome too. With a roof he wouldn’t be snowed in every goddamn night. But he didn’t have one. And he couldn’t get one, too. It was way too dangerous staying in one place for more than a few hours. Without a guardian there to protect him, he would have to keep on running. 

“Papa…” Yes. Papa would have protected him if he had been alive, right? He would have, because Papa loved him. Papa just had to. Momma always said just that. Papa died because he loved his little boy so much. Momma died because of that too. Now they were both dead, because of him. So… he was in charge for two deaths, right? So… it was his fault, so maybe… they were right, and he was a bad boy. Maybe he was a monster because he killed his parents.

But… he didn’t want them to die! He’d happily trade in his own life if they could only come back. But death was permanent, so they couldn’t come back. So he had to be strong in their sake – no matter how hard it was. He wasn’t strong after all… if he would know the word; he would say he was a pacifist. 

Sadly, this was not acceptable. If he intended to survive in this world of war, he needed to get strong as soon as possible. But it was hard getting strong with no one to teach you. It was even harder if you only had one chance to start with. To be more specific: if he tried to fight and failed in killing his enemy, he would die. This was just how the world goes… no changing in that. He never had any choice, did he? He looked at his tiny, but clawed hand in agony. Use these useless claws and make them useful? It seemed to be so alien. But again… with no choice left, there was just one decision to be made. 

_Just survive. Survive, and be strong enough._

And oh, of course… get food to fill his fucking stomach!!

\---

He stood still, just as still as the snow that was falling down on earth’s surface. He didn’t mind the cold, just as he didn’t the heat in the summer. It was no matter to complain about, since it was not changeable. If things could not be changed, he would only accept them. They weren’t even worth a thought. Still he stared up at the all-white sky as the snowflakes melted on his skin. 

Sesshoumaru didn’t like the smell of the wind today – it promised a blizzard later on. A blizzard of course wouldn’t harm him, but still… it was not so nice being in one without a shelter. He didn’t like his fur getting so wet from all the snow. So even he should probably go looking for a safe shelter for this night. 

He tilted his head away from the sky and looked down his path. How long would it be? How long would it still take to locate the Tessaiga? Sesshoumaru still didn’t understand why his Lord and Father hadn’t left the Tessaiga in his hands; but this all-but-useless Tensaiga. It couldn’t even cut! And it still called itself a sword… how good was a sword that wasn’t even able to cut? It was useless to him, so he should get rid of it. But… 

_Father…_

Sesshoumaru shook his head. These thoughts were unacceptable. Why even bother? He was sure his Father wanted to test him in hiding the desired fang. And there was no doubt that one day, he would find the sword. He had a long time in finding it. It was enough if he found it one day. A good predator knows how to wait.

But now wasn’t the time, as Sesshoumaru could sense the blizzard coming faster than he expected. So he should hurry finding a shelter until the snowstorm was over. A cave should do. So he went on.

\---

Damn it…!  
The incoming blizzard got him by complete surprise. Sure, he had sensed the wind’s scent getting sharper, but… he just thought that was normal for the winter. Apparently, this was a sign for a freaking blizzard coming. If he survived this one miraculously, he at least knew for next time – what joy. Only problem was surviving this one. How should he manage that? He was already more than half-frozen, he was starving, and he couldn’t even see an arm’s length. Even if there _was_ a cave, he wouldn’t be able to find it! Caves didn’t smell, at least not any different than every fucking rock out there, and in this blizzard his nose was as useless as his ears! Not to mention his nose was running like a bitch. 

Even worse, he felt his knees to buckle. The boy knew his legs would soon give in; and he would meet the notorious Snow Woman. And when he thought about it, this wasn’t even so bad. At least he would die alone, and for a last time he would be warm in this never-ending winter. That didn’t sound too bad, didn’t it…?  
He buckled and again this day, fell face-first into the snow. The idea sounded so tempting, just keep lying here, and the Yuki Onna would come for him… Someone coming for him, which sounded so nice…

But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t dare. So he fought to stand up again, relying once more on his unsteady little legs. He just had to move on. If he died now, momma would surely be mad at him… and he didn’t want this. He never wanted to make her mad again, and never cause her pain again. He had already failed her way too much; he could never make up for it – so now, he had at least to try and stay alive! A blizzard wouldn’t take him out so easily! Just move on, be strong, and never look back… because there was nothing behind him. No place to return to, no place to go to. 

He was utterly and all alone.  
Everyone who loved him was gone.  
The only feelings he could now expect were hatred and anger.  
No one would moan for him…  
He started to cry, as he wished his mother back.  
His tears froze immanently and everything, even his inside, hurt with immense pain.  
Unseen by everyone, the night fell upon and as it carried no moon, the boy fell down again.

\---

So, now here was he. He, who never hesitated, never questioned. He, who always knew what to do, and always did what had to be done.

Now he stood tall again, and he didn’t know what to do.  
The blizzard hit full force and it was horrible. The sharp snow even hurt his skin. He briefly wondered what he felt… but he then quickly decided it did not matter to him and also was of no interest anyway.  
Still…  
He just couldn’t ignore it, right? This also was no option. Sesshoumaru sighed – and only because there was no one to see. Maybe he was lucky and the matter was already… no. Of course _not._  
It was barely noticeable. If you didn’t know, it would be easy to oversee. But… he knew now. And he wondered how long this matter already existed. And why it wasn’t over with him.  
“What a futile brat.”  
Sesshoumaru bended down and picked up the lifeless body he was cursed with as a half-brother. The demon didn’t know how heavy an almost-five-years-old child should be, but he just assumed this amount of weight was far too low. So these hard things were the rips. Huh.  
“Humiliating. Is he not able to provide himself with enough food?”  
Even the rate of his heart-beating was no good sign. The almost non-existing body heat left enough room to worry – if he would be one to worry, which he was not. Sesshoumaru wondered how long this mongrel had been lying in the snow. But it was of no interest now.  
Maybe… if this bastard hadn’t been wearing this Fire Rat’s Fur, he wouldn’t have seen him. And this would certainly have made Father angry. It was this mongrel’s luck he came along. And this brat was even luckier since he spotted a cave not far away.  
Only a few minutes of walking later, Sesshoumaru and his package arrived at the cave. It was not big, but dry, and this was enough. But – no firewood. This left Sesshoumaru with two options: leave the mongrel and have him freezing to death – since the Fur was wet from the snow. The other option was… holding him. Oh god.

“Father, what have you done to me?”

Neither option was favorable. So what was he left to do? He only knew whatever he was going to do, he should be doing it immediately.  
Having the brat freezing to death was no option, after all. So it was the disgustingly hugging. Sesshoumaru frowned over that word. Then his eyes fell on his fur. Right. His fur was dry, and it was warm. And he wouldn’t have to hold his half-brother. 

This was the best idea he had had so far.  
He wrapped his fur upon his little brother instantly and leaned him against the wall. Good. He placed himself at the opposite wall, facing the blizzard – and hoping it would be over soon. Just like every other being, his senses were mostly idle in a blizzard. And Sesshoumaru already longed for his senses coming back.  
And while he was lost in his own thoughts, he suddenly sensed a change. Not from the outside, the blizzard was as dispiteous as ever – but from the inside. His first thought was that maybe something was living in here, but this was preposterous – he would have sensed that. No, so it had to be…  
Just as his eyes fell on his brother, he pulsed again – and the once white hair faded to black.

\---

He didn’t quite know… he had felt being cold, being numb; being dead. But the Yuki Onna hasn’t been there… and he started wondering. Maybe she wouldn’t come for likes like him? He didn’t know; and there was no one to tell him. He also wondered what would await him. Mother would be mad at him. Maybe even scold him, but he could accept that. But what if…

What if he wasn’t going where she was?  
What if he ended up somewhere even worse?  
But wasn’t this already the worst?  
He didn’t know, and he wanted to cry out loud. He had not done anything; he was just being born with more than his fair share of sin. It wasn’t even his fault! But still he was to blame. Because making him the scapegoat was the easiest thing. Who would complain? Who would try to save him? No one would; that’s why he was perfect.  
Perfect.  
Perfect, just as his death would be.  
Because he felt warmth, because he thought the Yuki Onna came, because he thought he was dead already…  
That was why he risked it to open his eyes.  
He wished he didn’t.  
Because in this second he knew he was even worse; he was a human, sitting in front of this one person who would never, ever smile to him. Who would hate him with all the passion he had, because Father was dead.  
Instead of this hatred, he desperately wished this person would just go ahead and bully him to death. With that he could manage. But not this look full of despise. Not from _him._

Sesshoumaru.

\---

He knew of this.  
Half-breeds like this one would degenerate into human for a certain amount of time. This matter had been part of his study, but he actually never paid them any mind at all. But now he started to recall. But he couldn’t remember how long this direful time span lasted. Hopefully not too long, Sesshoumaru couldn’t really bother with a disgusting human at his heels. 

Nonetheless, seeing this was quite interesting. A Hanyou turned into a human… Humiliating, but interesting. Sesshoumaru briefly wondered why the human was able to open his eyes, while the half-breed refused to do so. Maybe they were two different personalities? Sesshoumaru would not assume the human to be stronger than a Hanyou.  
For some reason unknown, he felt uncomfortable.

These eyes just stared at him, with nothing to be displayed. No hatred, no anger, not anything. Sesshoumaru noticed they were violet. A dark, deep purple that seemed like everything has already been seen. Maybe this was true. He didn’t know; and something told him he should not even care.  
Young eyes, but they already outlived him in every matter.  
The demon wondered what the boy had seen.  
For the first time in his whole life, he now actually recognized his little brother.  
And even more astonishing, he couldn’t find any grievousness or hatred inside of him.  
Dark, deep purple eyes swallowed everything.

“Why aren’t I dead?”

A tiny, hoarse voice asked this, barely hearable with the blizzard still raging outside. The demon did not react, just stared at the little figure in front of him.

“You hate humans, don’t you? I _am_ human right now, sees? I was out there to die, Sesshoumaru. Didn’t you guess that? So, why aren’t I dead?”

“You shall die when it pleases me, little brother. You shall not die in a raging blizzard; this would earn my disapproval.” 

Small blue, blemished lips smiled dimly.  
“Right”, the crispy voice said, “I shall die as you please. But I’m afraid this one already disappeared a long time ago.”

“Explain yourself.”

“I don’t know anymore, Sesshoumaru. Everything just became… worthless. I don’t have dreams, I don’t have hopes. I don’t have _anything_ , not even a place to return to. Whoever I come across just wants me dead, and they’re right. I thought if I stayed here, the Yuki Onna would come for me… but apparently, it has been you. Why didn’t you just pass by? Nobody would have blamed you.”

The boy coughed and started to shiver. Deep, dark purple eyes with no strength left, yet they still stayed.

“I’m through it all, Sesshoumaru. There is nothing; not for me. Everyone calls me a monster, a Hanyou, half breed and a bastard… and now I am just that. I forgot everything else… nobody calls my name anymore, so I forgot all of it. I can’t remember who I am anymore – if I ever been anyone at the very start. You said I was nothing, everyone kept repeating it… so it has to be true, right? Because lying is bad, and you don’t lie, so you aren’t bad.”

When did he get up? And how did this Sesshoumaru earned this opinion? Why was he even listening? If was not like he was interested in the insignificant problems of this uncouth mongrel. 

“How came you to believe any of this is interesting this Sesshoumaru?”

“I know it doesn’t. But of all people, you yet never harmed this body. I have to hate you, because you hate me and if I don’t I’ll die. I know so much. But still I wonder if it’s alright if I don’t hate you like you do. Me is sorry, Sesshoumaru. I am talking too much, but no one ever listens… you stay, even if you’re gone. You are everything I can rely on, you see?” 

When did he move? When did he come over here? And why did these eyes kept staring at him? Holding him hostage, even? Humans were disgusting beings, not worth a second glance, and still…  
Deep, dark purple eyes never lost sight of him. They did not waver, they did not hesitate. Full of nothing, they swallowed him whole. 

“Can you still remember me, Sesshoumaru? As I am to die, do you still remember me? I need someone to remember, someone who is important. You are everything, so you have to remember me.”

“Do you remember me?”

He asked all of this, yet this Sesshoumaru dared not to answer. It all seemed too absurd to be actually happening. Had he picked up this almost frozen child, out there in the snow? Maybe he had fallen asleep and was now dreaming the most futile stuff. He did not know.

“I need a name, so I can live again. They are waiting for me; and mother’s scolding me again for being rude. I did not wish to bother you, my perfect brother, but you are the only one to know. I need you to pronounce my only name, because I cannot. I have lost, and I am blinded by the snow and hate. But you are perfect, so you will know, will you not?”  
It was peculiar.  
“You deserve no answer from this Sesshoumaru. But nonetheless, you are my brother; you are a dishonor to our family. And yet you are nothing more than my property, as you are no one else than Inuyasha.”

\---

It felt weird.  
He couldn’t quite say why, it was just weird as some mushroom-shit. The only thing he was capable of remembering… was this upcoming blizzard, and the sheer cold. But what happened after? Didn’t he fell down into the snow, face first as always? And now he was lying on his back, rather comfortable on some rock. It was comfortable, because there wasn’t any snow. 

The boy moaned a little, as he lifted himself up. Huh? This wasn’t even the area he fainted in. He remembered fainting on quite a field, not in a forest. Or was he mistaken? Usually he knew where he was… strange thing. Or was he sleep-walking? That wouldn’t be any good at all.

And, ugh, his damn head was hurting like hell. Probably he was that lucky again and hit a stone when he fell down. Yea, that was most likely. Damn it all. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple. Grah… headache sucked. And strangely, he remembered something else. He remembered being all warm and safe; and then going completely insane by talking the weirdest stuff ever. Hopefully this has only been a dream.

Besides… whom had he talking to? The boy only recalled it being someone important. But his mother was dead, and Father was dead too… so, there was nobody left, right?  
Then he came up in his mind. But this was ridiculous, wasn’t it? Why would this person ever listen to him? It had had to be dream, there was no other possibility. It had been a very nice dream, then. If just for a single second, he hadn’t been hated by this very person he still adored so much.  
And he called his name.  
His brother called out his name; and this felt like he suddenly got a purpose again. It was like being reborn. Things he had long forgotten alongside his name suddenly came back into his mind.  
Still, he was happy. 

“Yes, I am Inuyasha. And be assured, I will be no one less than this. I’ll show everyone; and so I will be worth, right? You just wait. You’ve given it back to me, and now I will become this Inuyasha for anyone to see.”

_I will be strong, so I can stay being this Inuyasha. Just wait for me, because here I come!_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“I suppose I AM strong now, ain’t I? Very strong indeed. Stronger than any fucker outta there, right?!”  
Somehow, he was kinda pleased. Usually he was pissed as hell as soon it started snowing. Up until today, he despised blizzards with a raging passion.  
Inuyasha knew it was kind of light-headed, leaving the camp tonight, but he had wanted to go out for a bit. And Kagome didn’t know, so she couldn’t even scold – or worse: sit – him- Damn that girl, always abusing him…

“How frivolous of you to come out tonight.”

The half-breed grinned and stared at the very dark sky. “Woops, right, no moon today, my bad. What, would ya kill some unarmed human, Sesshoumaru? Ya wouldn’t do that, right? It’s like killin’ a child, and you ain’t being a child abuser, are you?”

“Uncouth mongrel.”

“Ya, ya, I know… spare me that, would ya? Ne, Sesshoumaru, do you remember being in a blizzard with me before?”  
“This Sesshoumaru does not wish to spend any unnecessary time with you.”  
The night fell upon these two, and the half-breed turned around, with his hair fading to black, and said: “And still – you always come back.” 

And Sesshoumaru looked into these eyes again.  
Dark, deep purple eyes swallowed everything.  
They ripped upon his very soul and reminded him of this one night he quite did not understand.  
Back then, these eyes lacked any life.

But now…

Dark, deep purple eyes swallowed everything, and they were full of life.  
“Do you remember my name?”  
There was no young man standing in front of him, and they weren’t in an open field.  
There was a little child asking this, and they were in a cave.  
“You are my Inuyasha. And as you are mine, I will never let you go.”  
Tiny lips smiled, and these eyes swallowed him once again, as the blizzard came to embrace them.


End file.
